PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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