Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
