Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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