I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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