she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
