I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
