So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
FUCK WHALES
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
