i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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