The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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