Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
