this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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