god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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