Cold hands, warm shart.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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