I need to stop coming to work sober
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
