are you still at the devil's house?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
