Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
