problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can I color on your dick again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
