Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
