I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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