No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
