What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
