I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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