God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
