She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am one with the molecules
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
