Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
