after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
