I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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