She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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