Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
