i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
