Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
