Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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