so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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