He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
