matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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