We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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