i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
