i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just had sex bonerless
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
