fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
