cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
