so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
