This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
