Screwed.edu
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
