Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
