margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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