I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
