ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
