I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
