my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
