I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
