Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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