What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
