I just saw a hot homeless man
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
