I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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