Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
