Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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