So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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