My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
