so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
