I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
