Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
