I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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