dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
