is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
