Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
