Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
