It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
