can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
