I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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