Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
