This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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