With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
