just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
