Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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