i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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