So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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