If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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