I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
