covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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