I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
